Friday, January 4, 2008

how to feng shui your bedroom to attract a mate

I was talking with an organizing colleague a couple of months ago, and was interested to discover that she was taking a course in the Chinese art of feng shui.

My colleague and I are both single, and she was especially excited to reveal how to arrange your bedroom to attract a romantic partner. (I must say, I was especially excited to hear it.)

Turns out the key is to have two of everything. (Sounds kind of like the theory that "like attracts like".) (Or, alternatively, a good biblical flood plan strategy.)

Here is a photo of my feng shui-ed sleeping area, in which you may observe:

  • One bed. (Ah - but I am a crafty one! My king-size mattress is actually two twins.) (A future note will detail how to avoid falling into the crack between the mattresses while "coupling".)


  • Two blankets. (They're both for me. Everyone knows that guys are always hot.)


  • Two pillows... times three. (I hope six is a good feng shui number. Anyone?)


  • Two throw pillows. (These - like most throw pillows - are totally useless and will drive men up the wall. But at least I have two of them...)


  • Two baskets. (I used to have just one, on my side of the bed. I added another basket for the man - even though he won't know what the hell to do it. (See "throw pillows", above.) I use mine to hold my glasses while I'm sleeping. I have an aversion to stepping on them when I get up to pee in the middle of the night.)


  • Two chairs: his and hers. Mac really loved the masculine one on the right (a plastic Muskoka chair covered by a sheet). So I already know it comes male-approved.


  • Two more throw pillows - one on each chair. (Mac didn't know what to do with the throw pillow. See "throw pillows", above.)


  • Two lights. (They're both on one side, admittedly - but it's his side! He gets manual turn-off rights. (The wall switch is actually on my side. Hee hee.))


  • Two book cases... times two. All the books are currently mine. I will make room for his books - for a price.


  • An even number of books. (Okay, not really. I have no idea how many books and magazines I have, and I am not about to count them. This one item may be reason I have not yet attracted a mate, though. Hmm...)


  • One boom box. But again - on his side. It has two speakers - does that count?

Then there is the small item of the guillotine paper cutter on top of the second-from-the-left book shelf. I have a funny feeling that it is particularly bad feng shui. Perhaps I can counter its negative effects by supplying a second woman in the bed...?

DISCLAIMER: I am not a certified feng shui practitioner. Any information shared in this note is for entertainment purposes only. I will not be responsible for any havoc that attracting a mate may wreak in your life.

1 comment:

Ellebee said...

"Turns out the key is to have two of everything." Hmmm. I have about six of everything. Where will this lead???